Winter & Spring Compete
Oh this crazy Iowa weather.
Early in the week we were outside playing and I was rocking in the sun.
Today I’m turning the heat up and there’s snow on the ground.
You would think I’d be used to it after living here my whole life.
Honestly… it kind of lines up with my journey right now.
Some days I struggle to stay motivated, and other days I absolutely kill it.
My hardest days usually aren’t actually about food or habits — they’re the days I let outside influences get to me.
I’ve noticed I’ve been angry a lot this week, and I keep trying to figure out why.
Is it being sick and run down while trying to maintain new lifestyle choices?
Is it people not respecting boundaries?
Is it just a stress-compounded week?
Being out of routine?
Or is it this crazy weather pattern?
Probably all of it.
It’s felt heavy.
I’m someone who thrives on routine. With ADHD, routine keeps my mind from spinning out. I also deal with seasonal depression, so when the weather swings, my mood tends to swing with it.
So I’m offering myself some grace.
Because sometimes we expect ourselves to change overnight, but real change actually looks a lot more like February.
Big strides.
A step back.
Maybe a fall.
Then getting back up and continuing forward.
Winter and Spring competing for the same space.
That’s exactly how I feel right now.
I haven’t craved sugar for months. I cut it out at the beginning of December.
Last night Dawn was eating candy on the way home from Maryville and I wanted some so bad. I ignored the urge… but once I got home I grabbed the ChocZero chocolate chips and had a couple handfuls.
And yes — I still beat myself up afterward.
That internal battle has been quiet for a while, and last night it got loud again.
I still feel like I won…
but at the same time I feel like I gave in.
And honestly, I don’t think that contradiction needs to be explained.
It’s been a long week, and I’m thankful today is Saturday and I don’t have to do anything if I don’t want to.
Today I get to come back to myself.
Today I get to realign.
Today I get to rest.
Maybe progress isn’t the days everything goes perfectly.
Maybe it’s the days you notice what’s happening inside you, make one better choice than you would have before, and then begin again the next morning.
February doesn’t rush into Spring. It softens into it — slowly, unevenly, and a little messy.
I think healing works the same way.
Not a straight line… just a steady thaw.
Journaling Prompts
Where in my life am I expecting overnight change instead of gradual change?
What has improved in me that I’ve been overlooking because it isn’t perfect yet?
What would “grace” toward myself actually look like today — in actions, not just thoughts?
