Annoyed!!!
When the Weekend Finally Arrives... Why Do I Feel Like This?
I am really not sure what is going on with me, but I keep waking up irritated on the weekends. You would think it would be the opposite, honestly. I spend all week filling demands and requests for everyone else.
Then the weekend arrives. The time finally belongs to me... and I do absolutely nothing with it. I feel almost paralyzed.
I have all the time in the world to work on the fun projects I've been looking forward to all week, yet I can't seem to execute them or even attempt to. I don't even enjoy the free time I have been craving.
Yesterday, I woke up irritable but tried to push through it anyway. I got up, had my coffee, put a chicken in the crockpot, journaled, started the laundry, cleaned up the swimming stuff in the backyard, dropped the robot in the pool, raked and swept the sidewalk by the back door, went to Birdie's T-ball game, came home, and cooked a big breakfast... well, brunch by that point.
After that big meal, I felt miserable. I was overly full, completely unmotivated, and that was basically where my day ended.
I tried to take a nap but didn't have much luck, so I got back up after about an hour and a half.
Then I did nothing.
I sat in my chair from about 1:00 in the afternoon until 2:00 the next morning, watching TV and mindlessly munching on whatever I could find.
THAT IS NOT ME!!!!!!
I am worried because this is becoming a pattern, and I honestly don't understand it. I feel like I am wasting the very time I crave all week long.
Next weekend I'm going to experiment with going to bed at my normal time on Friday night instead of staying up late just because I don't have to work the next morning. That is honestly the only thing I can think of that might be contributing.
Or maybe it really is genuine fatigue. Maybe my mind, body, and soul finally realize there is nothing demanding my attention, nothing I have to do, so my body simply forces me to stop and rest.
But even that doesn't fully make sense to me.
I look forward to my weekends all week because they are my chance to work on projects that don't fit into daycare nap time. Then Saturday gets here, I wake up irritable, and I don't even want to be around myself.
I just don't understand what is happening.
I will admit something else.
I am disappointed.
The shop isn't seeing the traffic I hoped it would. None of the people I consider part of my friend group or social circle have even stopped in to see it since I officially opened. My Facebook pages have almost no interaction. It honestly feels like Facebook has decided not to show my posts unless I pay for ads.
I'm getting discouraged.
People showed so much interest while I was building everything, and then... nothing.
Literally nothing.
I can't even find testers for my new products.
I was convinced people would be excited about my new Gell-O Soap. It's a kid's product! I thought parents would be all over it.
Nope.
I still have half a basket sitting there with only a handful of families testing it.
What???
I don't get it.
Then, while I was making another cup of coffee this morning, I realized something.
I can't remember the last time I actually left my house.
Birdie's ball game was the first time I'd left my property in weeks. The last two weekends I had my grandkids, and before that... I honestly don't know.
I have poured every extra dollar into this shop.
Right now, I am so financially tapped out that I can't even afford to go anywhere if I wanted to. My van has been sitting on empty for weeks because I simply don't have the money to fill it up. At the same time, I have bills and debt constantly knocking on my door.
Maybe that's part of this too.
Maybe I don't just need more motivation.
Maybe I need a change of scenery.
Maybe I need to step back, reprioritize, and remember that taking care of myself isn't a luxury... it's necessary.
Because if I don't take care of me, eventually I won't have anything left to give to the businesses, the people, or the dreams I care so much about.
Maybe there isn't one single answer to why I have been feeling this way. Maybe it's a combination of stress, financial pressure, disappointment, exhaustion, high expectations, and simply needing a break.
What I do know is this: ignoring it isn't helping.
Sometimes the bravest thing we can do isn't push harder. It's get curious. It's step back long enough to ask, "What do I actually need right now?" instead of forcing ourselves to keep performing.
This week, I'm choosing to stop fighting myself and start listening.
Maybe what I need isn't another project.
Maybe I just need a little more balance.
Maybe I need to leave the house.
Maybe I need to remember that creating is supposed to fill my cup, not empty it.
Whatever the answer is, I'm determined to find it.
Journaling Prompts
What has changed in my life over the last six months that may be affecting my energy, motivation, or joy?
What activities genuinely refill my cup, and how can I intentionally make space for them this week?
If I removed guilt and expectations, what would my ideal weekend actually look like?
If this sounds like the kind of work you’re ready to step into, you can join us in 365 Days of Me: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1271760971664323
