Today’s Check In

What I am learning about myself:

I Sat Down to Write Today and Realized I’ve Been Trying to Push Myself Through a Season That Requires Softness.

Late Saturday night, I found myself beating myself up for not getting anything done on one of my only free days of the week. The laundry hadn’t been touched. The bathroom wasn’t cleaned. The dishes were still sitting in the sink. I had spent most of the day sitting around, watching TV, and snacking — and the guilt was loud.

I had absolutely no energy all day long. And then, as night crept in, my energy suddenly lifted and I felt ready to do all the things.
What the hell? Where was this energy earlier?

Then it clicked.

It’s winter. Seasonal depression is starting to make itself known. This winter has only just begun — we had a stretch that felt more like late fall — but now winter is here. Snow on the ground. Gray skies blocking the sun. Cold winds that drain you before you even step outside. None of this exactly inspires abundant energy.

I also realized something else: I needed a break.

I’ve had my grandkids the last couple of weekends. I absolutely love having them here — truly — but that also means my nervous system doesn’t get a chance to shut off. Several times this weekend, I almost called and asked to have them come over again. But something in my gut told me to rest. To take the weekend off. To relax.

So I listened.

I honored that intuition and allowed myself to do exactly that. Not every season is meant for growth — some are meant for care.

At first, I felt guilty. But once I understood what was happening, I was able to give myself grace. I don’t have to be on all the time. My mind, body, and soul deserve breaks — real ones — where I’m allowed to be “off” for a while. And when I refuse to honor that, my system eventually forces it on me anyway.

My ADHD brain expects me to be constantly hopping and popping, always productive, always moving. But my body and soul don’t always agree. Sometimes they scream for rest — and I miss those cues more often than I’d like to admit.

This journey is teaching me to notice. To slow down. To soften.

Winter isn’t meant for constant output. It’s meant for slowing down, recovering, and regenerating — preparing for spring, when energy naturally returns and the real “new year” begins.

Even though I felt unmotivated to do chores or create, I still made sure to add movement to my day. I got on my stability ball, got my heart rate up, and moved while watching TV. It didn’t require creative energy, and honestly, I believe that movement helped make the entire weekend feel more acceptable to me.

I also snacked quite a bit this weekend — and that’s okay. It was all healthy food. No junk. No fast food. No impulsive stops at McDonald’s or Scooters. I ate what I had at home — intentionally — because I don’t keep junk here for this very reason.

Cashews. Pickled asparagus. Pork rinds. Whole grain toast with butter and peanut butter. Yogurt with strawberries. Lily’s sugar-free chocolate chips. Oatmeal. Roast with carrots, Brussels sprouts, and onions. Chicken.
All nourishing foods — maybe just a little too much of them.

And you know what? I’m calling that a win.

Progress. Movement. Awareness. I love this for me.

This is the work I’m doing inside 365 Days of Me — learning to meet myself where I am, not where I think I should be. This season doesn’t need me to be stronger. It needs me to be kinder.

Softness is how I survive this season with my soul intact.

What would softness look like for you right now?