Turning Point
Last night was intense.
We had some pretty bad storms roll through and a powerline came down by my house. I have never seen or experienced a live powerline down before and honestly… it was terrifying.
After I called 911, the operator told me to stay safe through the night because it was supposed to be a bad one.
That was it. That one sentence sent my nervous system straight into overdrive.
I didn’t fall asleep until almost 3am when the thunder and lightning finally calmed down.
And of course… stress eating entered the chat.
My choices weren’t horrible, but they also weren’t great. Cottage cheese was fine. But then came 2 slices of sprouted grain toast with butter and peanut butter.
Add stress, no sleep, and reckless food choices from yesterday and BOOM… fasting blood sugar this morning was 247.
And honestly? Yesterday’s food choices were just plain stupid.
I went to Omaha specifically to get an IV bag full of vitamins because I knew my body needed support badly… and then what did I do afterward?
Starbucks.
Lemon loaf.
A sandwich.
Even though I KNOW it makes me feel gross.
The drink was so sweet I didn’t even finish it, yet I still spent HOURS mentally fighting myself over getting it.
Hours.
“You can get Starbucks if you go to Omaha.”
“There’s one right around the corner.”
“Just get it after your vitamin bag.”
“Wait until you get to the other side of town.”
“Just grab a sandwich too and call it lunch.”
It was nonstop.
And the worst part? I didn’t even enjoy it.
I inhaled it while driving across town to Goodwill because I didn’t want the drink sitting in a hot car while I shopped.
So in the end, it wasn’t satisfying, wasn’t nourishing, made me feel like crap, spiked my blood sugar, and cost money I honestly didn’t have to waste.
That’s the part that gets me.
I KNOW how it affects me.
I KNOW how I’m going to feel afterward.
And for some reason, I still do it anyway.
That is the reality of food and sugar addiction.
It’s loud.
And lately it has been getting louder.
And before I end up completely spun out again, I need to start dealing with it differently.
So…
Now that I have brain dumped all the chaos that started chewing on my mind the second I woke up this morning, I also want to focus on the good things that came out of yesterday because there were a lot of them.
I didn’t even want to go to Omaha. I dragged my feet all morning and didn’t leave town until 10:30.
But while I was driving to Omaha, I turned on a YouTube video about the New Moon in Taurus moving in today and the messages that came through were so thought provoking I started dictating notes into my phone right there during my appointment.
Ideas started pouring in.
Not really NEW ideas… old ones.
Projects that fell away.
Pieces of myself that got buried under survival mode.
Things that suddenly make sense again with the path I’m currently on.
And honestly? I think reconnecting with those things might actually help heal part of this food addiction battle too.
Because sometimes the craving isn’t just about sugar.
Sometimes it is stimulation.
Comfort.
Escape.
Reward.
Excitement.
Purpose.
Dopamine.
Disconnection from ourselves.
I came home, unpacked the few treasures I found at Goodwill, and started working on the shop again.
And seeing that space slowly transform into the cozy little retail shop I’ve been envisioning honestly lit something up inside me again.
So today, instead of sitting here drowning in guilt over blood sugar numbers and bad choices, I’m trying to look deeper.
Not “What is wrong with me?”
But…
“What am I actually hungry for?”
Because maybe healing isn’t just learning how to say no to sugar.
Maybe it is learning how to build a life that doesn’t constantly make you feel like you need it to cope.
Journal Prompts:
What am I truly craving underneath my food cravings lately?
What situations, emotions, or environments make my self-destructive habits louder?
What activities, projects, or connections make me feel energized in a way that food never actually does?
If this sounds like the kind of work you’re ready to step into, you can join us in 365 Days of Me:
