Avoidance
My journaling has become less and less routine lately, and I can feel it.
I'm not going to sit here and make excuses because the truth is simple: I'm not making it a priority. I'm not as committed to this journey as I was at the beginning, and it's showing up in multiple areas of my life.
I let the shop restructure become more important than my health, and now I feel like I'm starting all over again.
The biggest thing holding me back right now is staying up too late and not getting up early enough to journal. I've tried journaling while the daycare kids watch TV, but it isn't working. There are too many interruptions, and I can't stay focused on my thoughts long enough to get anything meaningful on paper.
Weeks ago, I said I was going to start going to bed at 9:00 PM and getting up at 5:00 AM so I could have my coffee, journal, and walk before work.
Have I done that?
NOPE.
Instead, I've been getting hyperfocused on projects and slowly letting my health slip into the background again. It's time to look myself in the mirror and get real.
My fasting blood sugar was 244 this morning.
THAT IS NOT OK.
This is usually the point where I start beating myself up.
"When are you going to learn, JaSi? After a heart attack? After a stroke? After cancer? When are you finally going to make yourself more important than your projects?"
And honestly, that's the part that makes me crazy.
Why do I always feel like I have to scare myself into taking myself seriously?
I'm halfway through this 365 Days of Me journey. I haven't quit, but I'm also not fully committed right now, and those are two very different things.
So it's time to stop avoiding the elephant in the room and address it.
Today, I refocus on myself and my journey.
I stop and cook real food. I clean the dishes. I stop spending my evenings mindlessly snacking in front of the TV.
You know what's crazy?
I don't even like TV that much.
Most of the time, I sit down to eat, turn on a show, and then end up playing a game on my phone while the TV runs in the background. The real problem isn't the TV itself. The problem is that once I sit down, I feel like I can't get back up until the show is over.
Then I get stuck.
The same way I get stuck when I start a project.
Maybe the answer is to stop watching TV while I eat. Or maybe it's as simple as choosing a 20-minute show and getting up when it's done.
I used to play poker on my phone while I ate, and oddly enough, that worked better. When I was finished eating, I was finished playing, and I got back to what mattered.
Maybe I'll try that again.
Either way, the details don't matter as much as the decision.
It's time to refocus.
It's time to remember my goals and why they matter.
Because I matter.
And maybe that's the reminder someone else needs today, too.
If you've been struggling, if you've drifted away from the habits that make you feel your best, don't waste your energy beating yourself up. Awareness isn't failure—it's the moment you realize you're off course and choose to turn back around.
You don't have to start over.
You just have to start again.
One meal.
One walk.
One journal entry.
One good night's sleep.
Small actions repeated consistently will always beat big promises made occasionally.
Give yourself the same grace and encouragement you would offer someone you love.
You're worth the effort, too.
Journaling Prompts
What habits have quietly slipped out of my routine, and what impact are they having on my life right now?
What am I prioritizing above my health, and what is it truly costing me?
If I fully believed that I was worth the time and effort, what would I do differently tomorrow morning?
If this sounds like the kind of work you’re ready to step into, you can join us in 365 Days of Me: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1271760971664323
