Self-Sabotage

Overcoming Self-Sabotage

I’m not entirely sure why I do this, or how to fully overcome it yet. The last couple of days I’ve felt oddly uninterested in… everything. I still showed up in small ways—got the basic tasks done and made a little effort to move my body—but emotionally, I’ve definitely withdrawn.

Yesterday after work, I stopped at Scooter’s. I haven’t had Scooter’s in weeks—my blood sugar numbers have been steadily improving—and then boom. I derailed myself. Now my stomach is upset, my body aches, and I’m honestly really frustrated with myself.

I fought it for hours. I begged myself not to give in. And I lost.

I know the script: don’t beat yourself up, just brush it off and keep going. And I will. But seriously… it’s so aggravating that out of everything I’ve overcome in my life, food is still the thing that trips me up. Food?? Really?? Why does this feel like my demon? Why is this the one area that still makes me feel weak?

And on top of that, there’s the embarrassment—because I’m sharing all of this with you. I know this stuff matters. I know real journeys are full of ups and downs. That doesn’t magically erase the discomfort of being vulnerable.

Honestly, I was a little relieved this morning when the internet was down and I didn’t have to “tell on myself” right away. But accountability is good, even when it’s uncomfortable. I know this community will support and encourage me the same way I would for you… I’m just really mad at myself right now.

So I spent some intentional time this morning in my head—forgiving myself and choosing to move forward instead of staying stuck. I got some movement in between games and dishes (20 minutes bouncing on my stability ball), and I’ve committed to a seated kettlebell workout later today. I’ve made healthier food choices. Yes, I had a couple of sips of a TruBru iced coffee—but that’s it. Lunch was medicinal chicken soup and hot tea to help bring my blood sugar down and soothe my gut.

I’m feeling a bit congested and suspect I might be fighting off the same bug that’s been going around. I’m hoping fire cider, elderberry, and some sauna sessions will keep it from hitting as hard as it did my daughter and a few others. Fingers crossed—because I really don’t want that mess.

This afternoon, my mindset is improving. I’m coming out of the funk. I’m still disappointed, but I also feel empowered for having shared this openly. I’m not hiding this journey. I’m embracing all of it—even the messy, uncomfortable, ugly parts.

If you find yourself self-sabotaging too, please know you’re not alone. Reach out. I’m here to support you—every step, stumble, and comeback.